November 22nd, 2009
"It" Phase POSTED AT 01:45 AM in Book Of The Yahn as a favorite post Today, I move on. I already said it before, about two days ago, last November 19. My sis' sharing has shone me some light. Thank God for that. And now I'm just enlightened--on how to actually do so. I have come to realize that it all starts with the decision to act on what you want. As I've told my friend, "I don't really need anyone or anything to take my mind off him. All I had to do to start getting my life back is to simply decide that I will move on." I definitely do not need or even want a rebound, and keeping me busy won't make me as much happy as well. I have to be happy... on my own. Good thing my sis and I drank last Tuesday. We were throwing our stories with one another. She was so broken-hearted, not to mention it was her birthday then. Tsk. Stories of sadness, already answered questions that we keep asking, tears that won't stop flowing. And that one testimonial of another sis for this broken-hearted sis knocked some sense into me. She was relenting her version of moving on. Yes, we noticed the sadness in her face, and the struggle she's been through. And now we look at her, we'd definitely agree that she has been better. She has succeeded. And she simply started with a decision--making a CHOICE. A difficult choice that takes pretty much a long process--and time and energy--but has a lasting, maturing consequence. And eventually, I had to admit it. I couldn't move on. I wasn't moving on. All because I haven't really made the decision. I wanted to, but I have never really decided to. All the while, I was stuck. Upon hearing the testimonial, I wanted to act, and decide already. But of course, I had to think, as always. I asked, "What kept me holding on, anyway?" And I've come to terms with the truth: I wanted to know what he had in mind. Before I really give up, I had to know if I'm wasting my chance or my assumptions have been right all along. I wanted to see if it was just me or it was really mutual. I wanted it to come from his own mouth, not from his actions. I wanted to hear it instead of conclude it. Thinking about it made me back out a bit. Maybe I should wait and tell him first before I actually do it. Then again, that's only prolonging the agony. It would be really stupid of me to be stuck this long--and actually to choose being so. So I realized that I really do have to move on already. Life goes on and it stops for no one--not ever. I always knew I'll move on eventually, someday. Thus, I have decided that someday is NOW. About two days ago, my sis and I went to Ministop on a very early morning. As we chatted, I've remembered my old happiness and happen to share that realization with her: that I have been happy before he came in to my life. I was so contented with my life already without him! When he came, he just made it happier for me. Now I realize, such 'disillusionment' does not always last, maybe not even in a good way. I figured that the trend was that happy, happier, then sad. Once you get 'happier,' you don't step down to being happy again; you sink down to sadness, or maybe even worse. Still, the good news is that, happiness is still there--and it always will. You've been happy before, why not be so again? I think that's what 'disillusionment' does: making us happier, forgetting how to be happy on our own. It already happened--can't it happen again? So right now, I'm in the process of regaining that happiness of mine. As I've said, I do not want love for now; HAPPINESS is what I wish for. The goal now is to be happy. Happier will come later. Moving on. Step one. Decision. Choice. Check! Now I'm on step two: planning. What do I do now? I'm now reliving my good ol' hopes and aspirations. Here comes the new me. Already, I'm beginning to be happy. PS: I was supposed to post FOR THE LAST TIME the things I remember about him, what he has taught me. Then again, I think I have reminisced pretty much long enough. Time to get rid of his memoirs. It's me and GOD time again! I'm loving this. Listening to: Love (Pass It On) Watching: The Rebound critique
|
|
November 16th, 2009
What's the sense in waiting? POSTED AT 11:55 AM in Book Of The Yahn As Lovers Go She said, "I've got to be honest, you're wasting your time if you're fishin' around here." All wrong I'll be true, I'll be useful, I'll be cavalier I said, "I've got to be honest, I've been waiting for you all of my life." Tonight
I'll be true, I'll be useful, I'll be cavalier This is wonderful as loving goes. This is tailor made, what's the sense in waiting? This is easy as lovers go so don't complicate it by hesitating. This is wonderful as loving goes. This is tailor made, what's the sense in waiting? Listening to: Dashboard Confessional's As Lovers Go |
|
November 15th, 2009
Three POSTED AT 09:25 PM in Whore-iffic Memoirs as a favorite post Emotions are so intense, they can cloud one's judgment. Just the thought of you makes me like you. I'm loving this life. Even just for now. |
|
November 15th, 2009
When you can't admit what you want POSTED AT 06:20 PM in Book Of The Yahn All I want is happiness. And it really pains me to admit this. Because all it means is that I haven't been exactly happy all along. And if I don't make it known that I'm LYING all along... I wonder what will happen now. Can someone please help me make myself happy? Emo sh*t. You'd think things are falling apart now. They're not. They're just breaking into pieces. Just why am I sad? For this long already? |
|
November 10th, 2009
here i go again POSTED AT 06:46 PM
Learning my lessons the hard way is literally hard.
This is my last semester in law school. It would be hard but I'll make it the BEST!
|
|
October 26th, 2009
Complex POSTED AT 08:59 PM in Book Of The Yahn I want to move on! I don't wanna get stuck on him... thinking he is the only guy for me. I am positive and know perfectly well there are other guys out there. But I also want my heart to feel like I COULD LIKE OTHER PEOPLE. And right now I just can't do that. I have no freakin' idea why. But right now I just can't. I cannot see the possibility of all other. It may be because he's still around. It maybe because it's the first time I felt this way and I can't let it go. It may even be because of fate. What? Whatever the case, I can't live in this irony. I can't live in this complication. Everything is changed now. Much more changed than before. I may seem to live the normal life. But deep within, a lot has been going on. A lot has changed. Now life for me is no longer the same. So much for a change, huh? Listening to: Sugarfree's Kwentuhan Watching: 500 Days of Summer Feeling: confused |
|
October 25th, 2009
Novena to the Sacred Heart of Jesus POSTED AT 07:22 PM NOVENA TO THE SACRED HEART OF JESUS Feeling: hopeful |
|
October 25th, 2009
Two POSTED AT 06:10 PM in Whore-iffic Memoirs Today, 4am. I was drunk enough NOT to tell you. I plan to attend sessions only when you're there. But that's a little impossible now. I guess. Maybe then you'll figure things out. Listening to: Torpedo by Eraserheads Watching: Bring It On 4 |
|
