kapit sa patalim
POSTED AT 07:41 PM

hottie_ice

I’m reminiscing the past that never happened.
I ask: What would be my future?
So now is the time to be honest with myself, a lot of confessions to make.

There are so many problems with my studies lately, much worse than last year.
I’m a junior, and I’m that anxious about my grades and who wouldn’t? But I’m really afraid that I will not graduate in the school I’m in now or march along with my batchmates—I’m under probation and have big chance of failing.

I’m growing old for this, now is not the time to set my plans. With not a month or two I’ve already failed great things, besides the quizzes, of course. I’ve lost a lot and what are lost are my utmost desires.

Yes, I’m feeling old, it’s rather a feeling of cramming myself, all is too late.
I envy those who achieve unfathomable things, and some are even younger than me.

It was destiny—destiny. And I hate it.

I’m not smart. And if I ask you, are you? I may not be alone but being not one is a sign of desperation—in my case.

I cheat. But not habitually, I do because of desperation, times when I’m brimming to danger, to fail. It cost me a lot just to past.

I have the tendency to think malevolently and resolve to theft, made me to believe I deceive all. But those deceitful acts just backfired; I’m the only one who deceives myself.

I know what I want. I did not just tried to achieve those, but did everything I have. Destiny took it all away.

Who’s to be blame? Me? Line of destiny? Or God? Who gave a lot of hindrance and trials upon me, who have better plans on me? Who? I can’t answer.

Well, on the bright side, this is the last entry talking about my apathy.

Reading: HP-Half-blood Prince
Feeling: pensive

almost a year
POSTED AT 04:53 PM

hottie_ice

It's almost a year of blogging here, gladly.

I've been drastically or really trying my best to at least change my layout, for... improvements. But unfortunately due to some unnecessary twitching and ‘illegal’ disruption of our computer files, it was once again a black hole. They deleted it all. Empty. My files were completely gone, so that includes the series of html documents, which I put a massive effort on generating, school papers, my midi files, and those hundreds of fanfics that took me years to collect, :cry: gone in one piece even without my consent. I mean EVERYTHING

I’ll retrieve them ALL. I will make a new if not spontaneous html for this forsaken blog. I start from scratch, yes, once again, gradually.

Maybe I should start now. *heavy sigh*


Reading: Thanatopsis
Feeling: crushed

Streaks of good luck
POSTED AT 06:49 PM

hottie_ice

We won on a raffle draw! And it was I think the Gun show thingy we attended to few weeks ago. So as one of the chosen ones, we were that fortunate to have 3 days and 2 nights in one of these places: Cebu, Baguio, Palawan or Zamboanga.
Majority of us preferred Palawan and if I have the sole power to decide over my family I would really chose Baguio. How I wish they agreed with me.

^*^*^*^

Finally I could take a breather. Exams were over and I’m quite contented with my test scores, all passed, at least.

Reading: Love is a fallacy
Feeling: optimistic

Republika Basahan
POSTED AT 07:44 PM

hottie_ice

Bakit hindi?!

Unfortunately, there was no enough conviction to alter whatever stupidity occurred.

Seated at the very back, hot, so far away from the stage, how the heck should I appreciate it. Couple with the people standing—banners everywhere—I can’t see.

My Pronouncement of Negativity:

~Partially, ok I repeat partially of the program—really do suck
~I hate my costume, I should have wear something better but it is the only one available
~My grades…too low to handle
~Excitement is devoid of meaning, hence mind numbing
~I’m caught in act, literally. I could have hid myself in my malong then, but obviously I did something worth shameful of, I can be guilty for life!
~I thought it’s hell of a party, but not. I’m disappointed.
~I’m depressed. I hate how things run.
~Republika Basahan: We can’t feel it (Di naming maramdaman) I don’t get the point.

How pessimist am I? My cynical mood is just prominent today, but on the contrary of that, everything happened, is gratifying.

This is the foulest thing I can ever say: I like STP! I much respect them because for being a good sport and by not being a biased.

And I will rather not oppose anything, anyhow.

Well...not really.
Reading: Structured Programming
Watching: MadTv
Feeling: pessimistic